Push through the Pitfall of Assumption
“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” Romans 12:9-10
“I think I got fired,” my daughter mumbled softly.
“What?” I asked, incredulously.
“Well, I emailed my manager and told her I was home from college and ready to work at the restaurant. I haven’t heard back. She said she was going to move me up and train me as a server, but maybe she changed her mind.”
“Well, don’t think the worst! Maybe she just hasn’t had a chance to respond yet,” I quipped in my most encouraging tone.
“Yeah…” Her voice trailed off, unfazed by my chipper words.
Within hours, my phone buzzed with an incoming text from my daughter. “My manager wrote back and she’s training me all week to be a server!”
I quickly shot a text back. “Yay! See, I told you there was nothing to worry about!”
Yet just a day later, I would need my own advice. As a similar situation unfolded in my life, I quickly assumed the worst. When someone didn’t respond to me in the way I thought they should, my thoughts became a tumbled mess of worry and fear.
When we make assumptions, we make a mess. Ever been there?
We assumed we knew what someone meant but discovered we were painfully wrong. We assumed someone knew how we felt and we didn’t take the time to share our heart. We assumed we weren’t needed and withdrew instead of pursuing.
As I mistakenly thought the worst about someone’s response to me, I began to believe they didn’t care about me. I began to feel undervalued and ignored. And because I was scared and confused, I struggled to push through the pitfall of assumption.
When we make the mistake of assumption, we make a mess of the relationship. Fear and perceived hurt can cause us to avoid, gossip, withdraw, or grow resentful. We can inadvertently concoct a reality in our mind that could be far removed from the truth. In the day of digital communication, it’s even easier to misunderstand someone’s motives without the benefit of face-to-face conversation and body language cues. Emails and texts are great for efficiency, but masters of wreaking all kinds of havoc through assumptions.
How can we stop making a mess by making assumptions? Stop assuming and start asking.
That’s it? It seems simple enough, but it requires us to face our fear and lower our pride. My first instinct wasn’t to humble myself and ask. It was to self-protect and keep the other person from knowing I was hurt. But once I pushed through the pitfall of assumption and asked them what they meant, truth permeated the fog and I felt a thousand pounds lighter.
When you’re tempted to think the worst about a person or a situation, stop and ask them for clarification. Perhaps you misread their intentions. Perhaps they had no idea you were perceiving their actions a certain way. When we ask questions, we keep lies from invading our hearts and minds. We maintain the integrity of a relationship when we give others the benefit of the doubt before assumption sets in. This is one way we demonstrate devotion to those we value and honor each other.
The enemy would love nothing more than to use assumptions to damage our relationships and cause us to feel insecure and unwanted. But when we yield to the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives, He enables us to push through pitfalls and operate in love.
Make Your Life Matter No Matter What
With Love,
Angela
