The One Thing Guaranteed To Kill Your Confidence

“Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else.” Galatians 6:4

“I’m the oldest one, here. Again. I don’t even know why I’m doing this. I should just leave.” My fingers moved nervously across my iPhone keypad to text my daughter as my eyes darted anxiously across the crowded room, filled with perky twenty-somethings.

“Mom, you’ll be amazing!” She texted back. 

“I’m probably not even what they’re looking for.” My mind raced furiously, flooding my body with adrenaline.

“You’re prepared, Angela,” I told myself. “And if nothing else, you’re rocking these turquoise blue heels.”

At 48 whopping years of age, I decided to audition for musical theater. I directed, wrote and accompanied more plays and musicals than I can count. But performing in them? Welllll, let’s just say the last year I auditioned for one might start with 19 and end with 85. Ahem.

My daughter graduated from high school in the same year I transitioned out of leading worship. I realized that for the first time in many years, I had the chance to pursue new avenues of musical expression. I began taking voice lessons after a twenty-year hiatus. I sent out resumes and headshots and landed a few callbacks. It’s quite a different experience than holding your daughter’s ponytail holder while she tackles her own dizzying maze of auditions. I thrive on challenge and crave adventure, so I enjoyed this new season. But I’ll be honest; I didn’t plan for the level of insecurity and self-doubt that crept in like a thief.

There I was, sitting in the downstairs level of a health food store, waiting my turn for another audition. And right on cue, feelings of uncertainty and inadequacy made their grand entrance. My daughter’s encouragement and my positive self-talk didn’t seem to matter. Looking around at a room full of younger girls, I felt, well, old. A has-been. A somewhat tarnished version of my former self. And none of those girls had to even say a word; my own insecurities did the dirty work for them.

You may have no intention of finding your way to a musical theatre audition room (and can I just say I don’t blame you.) But perhaps you’re facing a new challenge or season, laced with self-doubt. Comparison is the one thing guaranteed to kill your confidence and keep you from God’s best in your life.

Comparison kills confidence.

Galatians 6:4 encourages us that, “Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else.”

Comparison drives us deeper into insecurity and shifts our eyes onto ourselves, especially our flaws. It causes us to see others as a threat to our own happiness, blocking our ability to love generously. When we become self-conscious, we begin to miss what God wants to do through us. Insecurity makes it difficult to live an others-minded life.

As I paced outside that audition room, I noticed a chalkboard covered with a rainbow of chalk and personal sentiments. My eyes fell on a simple phrase and I felt as though God literally whispered these words into my ear:

“A flower does not think of competing to another flower next to it. It just blooms.”

Ahhhhh. I took a deep breath and felt my heart rate slow to a manageable pace. God reminds us that we don’t have to be crippled by competition and comparison. He created us each with unique talents and gifts. He simply wants us to bloom.

I love new doors that opened to play, arrange, and perform in musical theatre. But that’s only part of the point. God wants us to learn to depend on Him in entirely new ways when we stare down the opponent called insecurity. He will teach us to redirect our focus off comparison and onto confidence in Him. Ground your confidence in Christ and remember this: You don’t need to be anyone else. You simply need to bloom.